One year...

It has been one year. One year since we’ve seen her big smile. One year since we’ve heard her laugh, since we’ve seen her play and bounce and sit up. One year since she has looked at us with her sparkly eyes. One year since we’ve enjoyed a meal with her laughing and begging for more food. One year since she and Olivia played and rolled around together without fear. It’s been one year since we’ve held her in our arms and felt her arms wrap around and squeeze. One year since she's held her arms up high to reach out for us. It’s been one year since we’ve felt her lips move to kiss us back.

A year ago today, we held Chloe limp in our arms moaning in pain as we rushed her to the ER. A year ago, we watched a team of then strangers work till 3AM to stabilize our sweet little baby. We watched her gaze fall, we watched her get poked over and over again with no response to pain, we watched everyone move around the room, around her bed, hover above her trying to figure everything out. Our hearts broke and we cried, then we screamed. It’s been one long year of heartache and crying. We’ve cried everyday. It's been a long year of hospital stays, surgeries, blood draws, tubes and needles, doctor visits, tests, medicine, therapy. More heartache. She has never said mama or dada or sissy. She has never crawled or taken a step on her own.

She has suffered more than any of us ever will in our lifetime. To think of her future, it is hard to see past how she may struggle and think how cruel the world may be to her.

But…

My strong girl, you are here with us! You inspire us everyday. You are forever our hero and teach us everyday how to be a better person. We have doubted our parenting, our faith, our being but you have always brought us back. So many people say that we have been strong but it is you who has the strength. A sweet little baby who has gone through so much trauma, yet is still so perfect!

It is so hard and we don’t know what the future holds and we so wish that we could say that everything will be fine and we’ll get through it but we can’t. We follow your lead, Chloe, and vow that we will be here to hold you through anything and everything.

To all of you, our dear family and friends,

We know you cannot imagine what kind of heartache we go through and struggle with daily, so we hope that this blog has been a help to understanding our life. In each letter we write, we pour our candid thoughts to you because you are such a support to us and help us make it through.

Thank you for being here with us, for holding us up when we fall, for listening to us cry and scream, for being silent when there are no words to be said, for everything.

Today we celebrate Chloe and all she has overcome this past year. We give her strength to move forward from dark days. We give her strength as we enter more unknown. We give her strength always.

Much love and many thanks,

Reth, Michelle, Olivia and Chloe