Trading Places

At times it's hard to imagine that the baby we have been sitting bedside for is the same baby that just two weeks ago slept beside us in her crib. The same baby that we took to Central Park Zoo.  The same baby we took out for weekly trips to Long Island to visit with Hapa & Grandma. The same baby that we bounced on our lap and sang lullabyes to before bedtime.  And now we stand over our baby feeling so helpless. IV medications being pumped through her, watching as the teams of doctor's go by discussing her diagnosis and care, seeing her being fed by a tube through her nose. All the while wondering if she realizes what is happening to her. Why?? What could she have possibly done to deserve this?? Like any parent, I would trade places with her in a heartbeat.

As most of you know, Michelle and I take turns staying overnight at the hospital. I'm not sure what's harder - watching over our sick child in the hospital or coming home to a very different feeling apartment and having to explain to Olivia why we cry at night. Too many reminders of our baby girl surround us. Her empty crib and changing table in our bedroom, her bathtub in the bathroom, bottle warmer in the kitchen and all the baby rattles and toys she enjoys so much.  Like I said, I would trade places with her in a heartbeat. I should be in that hospital bed.